we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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