I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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