Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
