she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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