words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
