worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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