this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
