You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
