my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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