Your tits are I can't wait for
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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