Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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