You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
