New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
