I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
