I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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