O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
