there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
