You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
