He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
