The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
