I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
