just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
