After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize