I'd wear matching sweaters with you
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize