Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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