The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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