Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Please don't give away my fajitas
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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