I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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