where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
