Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
