I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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