u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
