It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
