Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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