I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
