I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
