is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
