one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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