Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
