awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
