i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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