The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
