I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
