I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
