I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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