life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
