I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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