shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I supernannyed him into submission
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
