oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
