Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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