Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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