I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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