Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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