i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
