i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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