the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you made out with another girl for some wings
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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