Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
