I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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