im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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