In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
