her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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