so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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