The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
