i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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