Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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