we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
