Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
