Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
In other news, I just burned my penis
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
