I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
