where am i from again
im holly from the hills drunk
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
