Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So vagazzling was a success
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
