i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
