just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
