I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
