I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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